"Getting-By-Parenting"
I’ve been rather absent from the internet world as of late, for about a month actually. Jeremy and I’ve been enjoying time together (it’s like being on a constant date, well, almost) and he is still my favorite person to be around. We’ve been able to enjoy breakfast at home together, reading together, watching TV (yes folks, this is a treat), walking, running, exercising, dieting and other such fun activities. Ok, the running, exercising and dieting haven’t been that much fun but they are a little more bearable doing them together. We made it to Ophélia’s Field Day at school (HOT!) and Lavinia’s closing ceremony. Final projects were turned in for Ophélia (see picture below) and teacher gifts selected, made and given. It’s really been a wonderful month. Family time has been the most spiritual experiences we’ve had in a long time. This has given me time to wonder about how busy we all like to be. I’m up there with the best, I can’t sit still and I love to always be going. However, God has grabbed our attention this past month and laid it pretty heavy on our hearts that if we’re so busy for Him and his church that we’re neglecting our family (that’s what it is, neglect even if we don’t want to call it that) then we’ve got it all wrong. Neither Jeremy or I feel called to being stay-at-home parents (so not in our gifting) but we feel very convicted that being “getting-by-parents” isn’t good enough either. We will continue to make our family our top priority no matter where He leads us in ministry. Churches often have no qualms asking their staff to work ridiculous numbers of hours at the expense of their families for the sake of the ministry. I’ve even heard it argued that people have to do that outside of the church too so we shouldn’t expect less of church staff. Sadly, I believe American Christians have allowed cooperate America to dictate what our home and family lives should be like instead of holding ourselves accountable to God’s Word. So I’m sharing this with you asking you to hold Jeremy and I accountable, we want to put God above all in our lives, then each other (and working together only counts a little towards working on our relationship- though we love it!), then our children, and then our ministry beyond our family. It’s so easy to get excited about the ministry that yields results much faster, raising children takes several years after all (and if you think it’s only 18, think again… or ask my parents!) and in the end you don’t know what you’re going to get. God has not brought us into the ministry of having a family or any other kind of ministry for that matter for us to feel good about the result we can see. No, He has brought us here to be faithful with what He has entrusted us with. And when it comes to our girls, I couldn’t be more honored. We don’t want to screw this up (yes, I know we will to some extent but still…) we want our kids to always know they came first. They are our first ministry. Gosh, we’re crazy about them!
I know some of you are wondering, how are we doing and do we have a job. The answer is we’re doing pretty well and keeping busy. Enjoying the time to pray. re-focus, write music and attempt our hand at article writing, read, read, read, and read some more, lavish attention on our girls, and have the opportunity to talk with several churches. Some of the churches we’ve talked with have been conversation regarding employment and others have been more in a counseling role encouraging them to explore alternative worship with their congregations. We’re loving this time. Please continue to keep us in your prayers, things are tight but we are waiting in Him.
Ciao!
posted by Jessica @ 8:39 PM
5 Comments:
Family is always a good priority...while you may not feel God is calling you to full-time parenting, what I've learned in my "old age" is that there are seasons for everything in your life. Parenting is an investment, and you are right, you can't see the results for a long time...but you get clues all along the way. There are times in your kids' lives when they need you more than other times, and it is wonderful when you recognize and can respond to that.
As you know,I am also in full-time parenting right now(and caring for my mother-in-law) and although I don't see it as a permanent way of life, I know it's the right thing right now. God does some awesome things when you slow down and wait on Him...even though the world looks at you and wonders what you "do."
This is the first time I ever commented on a blog, so I don't even know how to do it but here goes...
hmmm, not sure what's going on with the comments thing on the other blog, must check that out.
i used to agree wtih you on the working 40+ hours a week but now i'm not so sure. after having kids it turns out that they don't always fit into the 5 hours we have left over for them. what i don't have a problem with is saying it's 40 hours a week PLUS the bible study and worship though i'd rather tell the world that things need to change and we need to value our families more before even doing that. after seeing my best friend through middle school and high school always be put second by her pastor father and then myself struggle as a parent and leader with finding the balance, i think it's time the church says enough. for that matter, i think that we may actually need to tell our congregations that their families need them more than their small groups (gasp!) and if there are times when they can't make it because their kids need them, we not only understand, we support them. society has dictated far too long that our families get what's left over. as i see it, that's not good enough, not nearly. btw, 12 hours a day leaves little room for the "day" activities of a child's life, try finding time to play outside, get to karate, ballet, and soccer, parent-teacher meetings, do homework and spend "quality" time together as a family. parenting is a full time, life-long commirment by BOTH parents. and that's not counting the number of hours you're up each night with them. the most important responsibility we can be given we try to regulate to 5 hours a day plus maybe a day each week? not to mention getting things done around the house (doesn't count as quality family time, trust me and if you're not sure, think back to doing chores) and spending time with our spouses and God. sorry, but i don't think society or the church has afforded enough respect or time to the family. if you're not sure, just look at most high school kids today. long gone are the days of adam when families worked the fields and home together, we send our kids to someone else to educate (not only in academics but the faith as well), we do our jobs (which doesn't include them), and then we hope to get all of us ready for the next day ahead while paying bills, making dinner and cleaning the toilets. welcome to reality. to me, the status quo is no longer enough, my kids deserve better, they deserve my real time and attention. it's a delicate balance, i know, but i think we need to start saying it's not enough to keep asking for more but to actually say what really matters are our families and to back that by the choices we make and as churches, the choices we hold each other accountable to.
barbara thanks for the comment and you're very right. i was hit right away that you're right, i may not be called to being a stay-at-home-parent today but that doesn't mean i won't be. thank you for that reminder and btw (that means "by the way") i never wonder what stay-at-home-parents do, i'm just amazed that they are able to do it at all!
at the risk of sounding really old, sometimes I think families worked best when one parent (ok, historically it was dad) worked full time and mom stayed home with the kids. It isn't glamerous, it isn't sophisticated, and the world doesn't respect it, but...I know right now my family works a lot better with me "home." (That means, taking kids back and forth to school, sports, the mall, their friends, camp, and taking my mother in law back and forth to day care, doctors, hair appointments, etc; doing all the housecleaning, maintenance, yard work, and shopping.) If I don't do this, I have to figure out (and pay) someone who will...and by the time I work enough to pay someone who will do all that, I don't have any family time left. Hmmmm...could it be we can't "have it all?" I happen to believe you can have it all...but you can't have it all simultaneously.
I have talked with many of my friends about the fact that most churches dominate a majority of time from its leaders as well as its volunteers. If you don't spend an exuberant amount of time with the church then you are viewed as unwilling to help or not as dedicated as the rest. I believe family is the biggest priority one can have and family SHOULD take prescience over everything else. Your children are only young once, parents are the best and most important influence in their lives but be thankful you realized it soon enough. I believe God would want you raising your children and steering them in the right direction, not someone else.
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