To Give sacrificially

It's taken me a lot longer than normal to "feel" that it was Christmas time this year. In previous years, when my job in part was making Christmas happen for other people (church programs, service orders, Christmas choirs, etc.) Christmas started early for me. We would have to work to make Christmas feel special- we were usually sick of Christmas music by November, wouldn't have time to decorate our house (but dang, the church would look great!) and Christmas shopping had to happen all year long or we would run out of time. I used to work more at Christmas time than I did any other time of the year (Holy week being the only exception) easily putting in 90+ hour weeks from October-December. I was always aware of the holiday spirit- that was my job.


But this year, like last, was different. Last year I was aware of the season because of what I was not doing, this year I just didn't really notice. Moving, changing schools, work and other busyness let the holiday season slip in without much attention on my part. It wasn't that the media somehow let me down by failing to remind me of all the shopping I had to do or that the Advent season slipped away without mention during worship gatherings. We've been playing Christmas music, the girls are coming home with drawings of snowmen, snowflakes and "holiday" items, and every week a family lights a candle on the Advent wreath- I'm even "directing" (I use this term loosely in this sense) a children's Christmas choir. Our tree is up and has been since the weekend after Thanksgiving. But still, even with all this it just hasn't felt like Christmas time to me. I think it's more than just the different work situation, it's even more than our difficult financial situation making it challenging to make ends meet, let alone do the "holiday thing."


The problem, I suspect, stems more from an internal reformation of my view of Christmas. In fact, an internal reformation of my view of life in general. Jeremy and I have begun to challenge much of how we live, to question everything we do, everything we believe. So much of our lives are lived simply because "that's how it's done" and accepted. There are areas of our lives that we have held up to the luminescent light of the Gospel but others that we were preferred to leave in the dark corners of the comfortable common-place status-quo. God has been shining the Gospel light brightly in our lives and somehow we protected those corner shadows but now, slowly and somewhat gently, our protections are eroding and giving way to these Gospel rays. We sense we are on the cusp of radical change and it scares the crap out of me. I'm usually open to change, welcome it with excitement and anticipation but this change is going to be hard, really hard. The change we feel called to is to not fit in, to actually strive to be misfits, to rebel, to stand up and speak out, to serve the poor, the rejected, the unloveable, to become the poor and rejected (ok, so "becoming poor" isn't actually a change... we don't know true poverty though nor are we sure we are intended to but the issue must be examined), to care for the earth and the animals as God instructed Adam to, to stop worshiping things and status, to care for others even if we don't understand them and to live opposite of the "entertain me- me first" culture we have served. In essence, we feel called to deepen our call to live sacrificially in and for Christ. And yes, this scares me. In my arrogant heart I say to myself "Haven't I sacrificed enough? Don't I deserve some kind of break from this sacrificial living stuff?" But instead of a pat on the back and a voice from heaven saying "Well done my good and faithful servant" the Spirit gives me a distinct though gentle "no" to both of those questions. Christ gave his life for me, I don't get to call it quits when I feel like I've had enough and "done my part."


So what does this have to do with getting into the Christmas spirit? A lot actually. Many of us understand what it means to "give until it hurts," particularly around Christmas but most of us have no idea what it means to give sacrificially. We give too much and too little. Those that really need nothing (which is most of us) get a lot but those that need everything get nothing. Our gift giving was originally inspired by the gifts the magi brought to Christ and the gift that Christ brings to us, gifts that were needed: gold for a deeply poor family and funeral herbs for Christ 31 years later. Christ's gift was even more needed: salvation. We celebrate Christ's birth and God's gift to us at Christmas yet we over-give to each other to excess neglecting the One whom we celebrate. Christ tells us that by giving to "the least of these" we give to Him- time, food, money, services, whatever it may be. Held up to the light of the Gospel our Christmas gift-giving begins to look a little tarnished. Reconciling this in the midst of an internal reformation this holiday season has been a challenging experience. I don't know how this is going to resolve yet but Jeremy and I both know that we have to continue exploring these questions.


I don't think gift giving is bad, on the contrary. I think it's great after all, the precedent was set by Christ. But the question that begs to be wrestled with is "who are we giving to and why?" If I am honest then I have to admit that many times in the past I gave to people that I wanted to be in good standing with, people that I was worried I would offend by not giving them something, people that seemed important either by their status or their level of relationship to me. I never seemed to worry about offending Christ, being in good standing with him, or even giving to him based on my relationship with him. If he is truly the most important part of my life then the best gifts and the best part of my time should be given to him but it is rare that I actually do that. To give to Christ of the best of myself then I need to be giving to "the least of these" not the "greatest of these." Have I ever really given to Christ at Christmas? Anything more than lip service? As my pastor, Chris Seay has pointed out several times recently, doesn't it seem rude to give more gifts to the birthday party guests than to the one who the party is for? I know that I need to start making Christmas be about Christ: I want to give to those in true poverty, love those that are outcast, care for those experiencing debilitating hurt. Our family is learning what it means to give sacrificially. We're redefining what it means to be "in the Christmas Spirit."