Chicken Pox Marriage

Below is my re-telling of a conversation Ophelia and I had yesterday afternoon. Parts of it are verbatim because they just stood out so clearly during the conversation and other sections are just to the best of my memory. Please understand, I am judging no one in this post but sharing an experience and some of our beliefs.

"Mommy, can you only have one wedding?" Ophelia asked me while we were still at the table after lunch yesterday afternoon.

"Well, yes, I guess. Or no. I'm not sure, what do you mean?" I answer looking up from the piece of art Helena had made and given me to examine.

"Is having a wedding and getting married like chicken pox, you can only have it once?" She asks again rephrasing her question using a metaphor so I could understand better. It worked too.

Before school was out Ophelia had developed a few blisters that made me concerned that she may have had chicken pox. She didn't but by the time we figured that out we had already learned about chicken pox and that most people can only get them once and never get them again.

Her metaphor made perfect sense.

"Ah, I see. I guess you could have as many weddings as you want to, you probably wouldn't want more than one since they are a lot of work and people will get tired of coming to your wedding over and over again. But that's just weddings. When it comes to actually getting married, yes, it's kind of like Chicken Pox, you should only get that once. Remember how we learned that with Chicken Pox you don't get sick from it again because a little bit of it always stays in your body so your body doesn't have to attack those germs again, making you sick?"

She nods her head.

"It's not exactly the same as Chicken Pox, but when you get married you stay with that same person for as long as you are alive. You don't marry another man later because you stay with the one that God put you with." I try to explain using her Chicken Pox analogy.

"But what if you split up?" Ophelia counters in a very grown-up and concerned way.

"That does happen sometimes (I don't bother to point out that it's actually about 50% of the time.) but that really isn't what God planned for us. God wants us to stay with the person that we marry because God says when we get married we aren't just two people any more, it's like we're one." This was the best explanation I could come up with on the spot to explain what we believe to be a Biblical view of marriage/divorce to a 7 year old.

"But what about grandma? She and grandpa split up and now she can't get married again?"

Bombshell.

I take a moment to asses and figure out how to dodge shrapnel while inwardly complaining about Jeremy going to be with a friend that was having a tough time. We knew aspects of this conversation would come one day, I had just planned on Jeremy getting to be here for it.

"I'm not really sure Ophelia, you'd have to ask grandma but I think that grandma has decided not to get married again because she believes that you should only be married once unless your husband dies but if you split up she believes that you shouldn't get married again to somebody else. I don't really know what grandpa has decided about this." I try to ward off what would likely be her next question and I legitimately don't know.

"But she's going to be sad and I don't want her to be alone!" She starts to cry.

If I could I would redirect the conversation to a happier topic or distract her with the promise of a cookie and a DVD but this is our sensitive one who would never leave another's pain for something as trivial as a cookie. I beckon her to come sit next to me and put my arm around her. Unsure of what to say I take a deep breath and plunge back in praying something will come to me as we talk.

"Sometimes people that love each other make choices that hurt the ones they love, we all do it. In a marriage sometimes that means the people will split up, it's not what God wants but He allows it to happen. When that happens it is between God and each individual, some may feel it's ok to marry someone else and others may not but whatever they believe and choose is for them to decide, we can't fix it for them. We can pray though and that's one of the things Daddy and I pray about for grandma and grandpa, that they will know that no matter what God is with them and they aren't alone." My words sound a little feeble to my own ears as I grasp for a simple and clear explanation for this difficult issue.

She presses: "But why did grandma and grandpa split up if God didn't want them to? Do they still love each other?"

As if the previous questions hadn't been hard enough. But there is no way I'm going here without Jeremy so I take a deep breath and muster up the best closing-this-conversation-now tone I can and tilt her chin so I can look directly into her eyes.

"I think grandma and grandpa do still love each other and I know they both still love God, your daddy, and you and I don't think that's going to change. People make choices that hurt others, we need to try not to but when it happens God helps us forgive and love and that is the most important part. Ok?"

Ophelia nods and wipes the tears from her pink cheeks and from behind her glasses. She pushes away from me and gets off the chair to go play. Just as I start to congratulate myself on closing out this difficult conversation she turns around and asks me a question that betrays the fear in her 7 year old heart.

"Are you and daddy like Chicken Pox? Are you going to split up or stay forever?"

Tears spring to my eyes when I hear her concern for Jeremy and I to stay forever. I remember this feeling from when I was little and the worst thing I thought could happen to my world would be for my parents to split up. In two steps I'm on my knees in front of her.

"Ophelia, I would love to promise you that Daddy and I will stay forever but I know we are people and we may not be able to do that. What I can tell you is that we believe that God put us together and we don't want to mess that up so we will do whatever it takes to stay together and that's why we both put God first, because He's better at that than we are. Every day God gives me more love for your Daddy and I promise you, I will always love and forgive him and Daddy does the same for me. Daddy and I both made a promise to God that we wouldn't leave each other, that we would have to die to not be married any more and we ask God every day to help us keep that promise. And we are going to try, really, really hard. So what do you think, do you think Daddy and I can stay forever?"

I was a concerned that I came across a little too intense but she gave me a huge smile and said:

"I hope I get married just like you and Daddy and have it stay forever." She nearly knocked me over with her hug.

I hope so too, Ophelia, I hope so too.

The #1 Pic. and Quote of the week...

“When I saw you I figured if they let you be a missionary then I would be ok.” (Kyle to Jeremy the last night of orientation/training about the first time he saw him.)

Thank you Brian for this classic picture! We will cherish it for forever.

Some final Quotes before our #1 Quote of the week:

"Want some ice cream?” “No, I believe my body is the temple of God and He doesn’t want me to clog the arteries.” “I hate you.” (Jeremy and Kyle at our first night.)

"A photo that looks like a bunch of asparagus" (Bill Bennett during a sessiong on communicating, what works and what to avoid in prayer letters- Thanks to Brian for reminding me of this one!)

“You mean like the ones we just took?” (Jessica responding to Bill's comment during a sessiong on communicating, what works and what to avoid in prayer letters.)

Can you pour like that?

Our waitress was amazing when it came to pouring tea. I know that may seem like a strange impressive quality but this girl poured scalding hot tea into a little cup balanced on her arm (see pic.), her knee, her foot, her shoulder, the inside of her arm (as in the tender part near your wrist!) and even on her forehead. It was pretty cool and very neat to watch. She got lots of gasps and claps from our group. Do you think that's a burn mark on her arm?

All smiles, no chicken yet...

Some of us weren't that excited about the Moroccan dinner idea (I was very excited about it) and most of us ended up really enjoying it. However, Jeremy and Billie Jo ordered what should have been a safe bet dinner (chicken Shish K'abobs with couscous) but it turned out to be the strangest smelling and therefor odd tasting dish served that evening. When it first came to the table we all kept trying to figure out where the smell was coming from and then realized it was from Jeremy's plate... It was such a gross, nasty smell...

On the Straight and Narrow?

I was on a path! I wasn't flouting the rules, I walked up a path they had there to go look at this rock formation! Brian's picture makes me look like I was just breaking the rules... Thank for the pic. Brian!

More Quotes...

“Those weren’t pork chops, they were shoe leather.” (Candidates reaction to dinner at the hotel one night.)

“They’re letting us go outside?!” (During a break on Wednesday looking forward to the Garden of the Gods on Thursday.)

“She’s going to call your music ‘potato chips.’” (Vicki Gacho about what another missionary in France will say about the Martin-Weber's music.)

“Remember they are taking pictures today, you might want to dress for that.” “I did.” “Oh… Ok.” (An experienced missionary to Jeremy after seeing his choice of clothes on picture day.)

“Deal? What deal?” (Jessica to Paul and Noelle after a game of putt-putt supposedly to determine where we would eat dinner on Thursday.)

“Alcohol… and lots of it.” (Listed as a way of coping with stress.)

“Either you are a schizophrenic or you’re well rounded.” (Kathy Roberts about certain personality combinations.)

“I choose to think of him as well rounded.” (Kathy Roberts referring to her husband's unusual personality combination.)

“DI’s are dangerous.” “Hey, I’m a DI!” “Right, and you’re dangerous.” (Ken Rudeen and Jessica in Ministry Partner Development training about personality types.)

“You need someone that will be hard-nosed and kick you in the rear for your accountability partner in fundraising. You don’t need someone that will be understanding” “Jessica, will you be our accountability partner?” (Ken Rudeen on accountability partners- Kevin and Kathi Cram resond by asking Jessica.)

MySpace confession

I don't really know why we have this, but we do...

Favorite Quotes from Candidate Orientation

I did actually get a hole-in-one at the putt-putt game on Wednesday evening but the rest of the time I just goofed off. Ok, I was goofing off then too but hey, at least I got a hole-in-one!

“I’m sure you have a question, you always have questions.” (Dave Zehr to Jessica after a moment of silence waiting for questions at the end of one session.)

“How do you count?” (Ken Rudeen to Noelle Heber while playing minture golf.)

“If you hit the ball again while it’s still rolling it’s not another stroke, is it?” (Jessica to putt-putt team.)

“I don’t like trying new things.” “Really? Then being a missionary might be an interesting challenge to take on.” (Two missionary candidates discussing going to the Moroccan Restaurant.)

“I had a bad experience with Indian food once, for a week.” (Paul Barbosa objecting to the Moroccan Restaurant.)

“What is that smell?” “Jeremy’s chicken.” (Our table at the Moroccan Restaurant.)

“I didn’t actually mean for her to put it on her head!” (Paul Barbosa after the waitress balanced a cup on her forehead while pouring hot tea into it.)

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get up now.” (From the floor of the Moroccan Restaurant.)

A Missionary Family?

Here we are! A new missionary family appointed to France. Don't the girls look excited? I'm hoping Jeremy's mom got a better picture that doesn't have Lavinia with a car for a nose but so far this is the only one I have of the whole family. This picture was taken Thursday (thank you for all these pictures Kevin !) after the Commissioning service. We were appointed as a family to France. The girls were a part of the service as well and received a certificate each and a chocolate bar. So here we are, a missionary family! Funny, I think we still look like us... Maybe we've been missionaries all along?

Missionaries between a Rock and a Hard place (AKA another Rock!)

After the Commissioning service of the new appointees, they took us all to the Garden of the Gods. The day was beautiful and we were all desperate for some fresh air. All of the 9 newest missionaries with GEM are in this rock.

The Guys at the Garden of the God

I have no idea what they are doing but I'd guess they are pointing at Kevin, the only guy not shown in the picture because he's on the other side of the camera.

Walking in the Garden of the Gods

I have no idea why Kevin felt he needed to picture of our rear-ends, but here we are! After being inside all week we were all more than ready to be outside by Thursday. The day was windy but beautiful and The Garden of the Gods is just stunning.

The Celebration Dinner

At the end of Thursday we all had a dinner to Celebrate and enjoyed a Moroccan feast- well, Jeremy had some strange chicken but my lamb with almonds and honey was fantastic!

The Appointees

Brian Sherriff, Ukraine; Noelle Heber, France; Kathi and Kevin Cram, Germany; Kyle Kettering, the Nordic Region; Billie Jo and Paul Barboso, Portugal; Jeremy and Jessica (yeah, that's us!), France.

What's With France?

No, I’m not going to talk about France’s attitude towards the Iraqi war (that’s old news anyway) and I’m not going to say anything about the recent riots, employment situation or their thing for raw meat (which I actually appreciate). It’s not that all those topics aren’t interesting but that I want to speak more specifically about France, God and the Martin-Webers.

As I write this, the 5 of us are on a plane headed back to Houston from Colorado Springs where the girls got to spend a week with Jeremy’s mom and Jeremy and I got to attend long sessions every day on being missionaries in Europe. God led us to this point filled with questions but on Thursday we were officially appointed and commissioned to be long-term missionaries to France with Greater Europe Mission. God allowed us to attended this past week’s Candidate Orientation even while we were unsure that this would be a good fit. We had our doubts that we would be interested in serving with GEM and they us but as we spent time in prayer and shared specifically our vision for a community arts center in France with a reproducible model that could be contextualized through out all of Europe God began to reveal to us that this vision from Him was to be enabled through GEM. God’s call on our lives to start a community arts center as a form of outreach evangelism by using the arts to encourage dialogue about faith started several years ago and up until now we had no specific area we felt led to. The Spirit led us to consider the European mission field as the place for this ministry vision and so we began the dialogue last fall. God didn’t provide any thunder clap or lightening bolt letting us know what mission to explore going with and we weren’t sure that Greater Europe Mission would be interested in the vision for ministry we have from God. Honestly, I felt pretty “safe” that what we felt called to was something GEM wouldn’t be interested in, some day I’ll learn to stop telling God how things won’t work in His plan. In His infinite wisdom, God has been preparing not only us but the leadership in GEM for this very thing and used them to speak to us about really going and serving in Europe in this capacity. Because of the overwhelming response to the vision God gave us we are “officially appointed” as long-term missionaries to France but our placement will be decided only after we have made a trip that includes France, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Ireland (and would include Germany but Jeremy and I felt it needed to be in either English or French speaking Europe for us to lead well) to meet with the teams and field directors there as we seek God’s guidance on where to begin. Here we thought that we wouldn’t fit at all with GEM and God showed us that there are more places interested in the vision He has given us than we could actually serve!

Today we are still blown away with the idea that God has appointed us as ministers in over-seas missions in Europe. Tomorrow, we begin to pray in earnest for God’s guidance and provision for our prayer and financial support as we prepare to go to Europe. Through out this coming week we will be posting more information on why missions in Europe and more details on the when and how we will begin serving there. Let us know what questions and thoughts you have! We look forward to sharing our newest journey with you.

Everything but France

Who blogs on a Saturday? Really? Saturday is the computer waste-land day, nobody's interested in being online, exchanging e-mails, chatting or blogging. So why am I blogging on a Saturday? Because I'm behind on updates (for all 3 of our readers!) and I don't imagine finding more time during the week to update so today it is.

I promised updates and gave a couple. I'll try to knock out most of the others now...

The last week of school was May 22-25. For the last day the school had a talent show of all the grades for all the grades and parents. Ophelia had actually gone to the auditions and played one of her piano songs from the end of her first book and ended up being near the beginning of the program for the talent show playing "The Streamline Express." This song is easy for her so she played with no problem and didn't even seem a little bit nervous. She had given her full name for the program so she was introduced as "Ophelia Chantelle Martin-Weber," walked up, gave a little smile to the audience, sat down at the piano and played (very steady too, no rushing), stood, faced the audience, smiled and curtseyed before walking back to her place. We couldn't believe how comfortable she seemed and she told us later that it was a lot of fun and she liked it when everyone clapped for her. After years of getting kids ready for recitals and seeing them go through that experience, it was neat to finally see one of our own in such a setting. We were very proud of her. Jeremy and I didn't stick around to watch the rest of the kids (I was headed out of town for work) but we thought she was the best anyway!

Ophelia's school year ended well and just as she had her first real friend crisis. The last few weeks of school were tough relationally for Ophelia, she got teased for having a boyfriend when she started playing more with a boy from another class, had her two closest friends ditch her and talk about her, developed her first "enemy" on the playground, dealt with being bullied for the first time, and decided that she didn't want to school any more. It was time for the year to end. Scholastically she did great, her reading level is still very high and she did well in every subject. We're looking at different schools as we plan to move, hoping to get her into one that will be a smooth transition and have a stronger arts and self-guided learning program.

Lavinia can't wait to start school in the fall, she'd love to start now if she could. She's an early reader, sounding letters out all the time and doing very well reading the Dick and Jane books and loving it. We are constantly amazed at the words and phrases she reads in some random places, constantly looking for signs and labels to read. Her vocabulary is also very expressive and surprising. Jeremy and I often wonder where she heard such a word or phrase and ask her what it means. Often she can't really tell us but she uses them correctly so she has some kind of understanding of what she's saying.

Mother's Day was wonderful but I find myself frustrated with this holiday and I don't care for how it is treated in the church, media, and society in general. I guess I just don't get why we need a special day to honor mothers and fathers, it seems like every day we should honor and celebrate the mothers and fathers in the world. Being a parent is a wonderful and special honor as it is and it's a lot of hard work. One day a year just doesn't seem like enough to really communicate how special it is plus, the way these holidays (Mother's Day and Father's Day) is treated ends up leaving out parent-figures, parents that parented the best way they could by giving up their child, parents at heart but childless, and the parents that lost their children. I have no answer but this is some of my frustration. However, my Mother's Day was wonderful in a very ordinary day kind of way. This year we spent our Mother's Day weekend picking out containers and plants for a container garden we created together. I loved digging in the dirt with the girls and planting little plants with colorful and interesting flowers to create our little garden together. We went to church, came home and hung out watching my favorite Disney movie (Beauty and the Beast), grilled some burgers for lunch, watched an amazing thunder and hail storm, then planted our garden and played outside in the wet earth. The girls showed me tricks on their bikes and scooters, picked dripping primroses and weeds from the road side, and gave me lots of dirty fingered hugs making for a perfect day. Since I didn't have to work on Mother's Day (working in the church for years always had me working on holidays) and since we kept our day simple spending it together as a family and gardening, this may have been my favorite Mother's Day yet- just a quiet, ordinary day with my children and husband showing me how much they love me and I them. Beautiful.

For the miscellaneous updates: We lost Satine and now just have Rosie who seems very lonely. Lavinia is starting piano next week. Helena is still beautiful and sweet, very loving. My parents finally have a grandson and I have a new nephew. We're all working on learning French. Ophelia is taking some private art lessons from a friend for a few weeks and loves it, is sketching ALL the time now. Jeremy is teaching group guitar this summer for summer camp programs. Ophelia is now a green belt in Tae Kwon Do. Lavinia is a white belt... still. Jeremy is still at the coffee shop and teaching private lessons. I've started teaching privately as well and have a nicely growing studio. We are together looking at doing more church consulting for worship, outreach, music and sound- recommend us to any churches that could maybe use some help in those areas. Oh, and we're writing music like crazy preparing to go into the studio this fall to record our first CD project because of some generous support from a donor.

So there's an update on everything but France, I'll get to that next time. We're keeping pretty busy these days! Hope you are enjoying life too, let us know how things are going! Looking forward to reading your comments.